Doubt

John 20:19-31

When I was a kid, there was a record called “Class Clown” which was recorded by the comedian George Carlin, back when he used to be funny.  Contained on that record was a track titled “The Seven Words That You Can Never Say on Television.”  How many of you remember it?  Shame on you!!!  Just kidding.  Well, anyway, both “Class Clown” and “The Seven Words You Can’t Say…” were both wildly popular for one simple reason.  And that reason was, they horrified our parents. 

And here’s why.  For those of you who might not have heard it, George Carlin’s “Seven words you can’t say on television” routine was just that.  It was a complete and thorough listing and humorous analysis of seven words deemed so objectionable by the Federal Communications Commission that they were absolutely forbidden to ever be spoken over the public airwaves.  Obviously, the fact that they were so forbidden, by the FCC and our parents, was exactly the reason that my friends and I got such a kick out of hiding in our bedrooms listening to that routine over and over and over, loud enough for us to hear, but quiet enough to keep it out of the range of our parents ever listening ears.

But you know, the FCC aren’t the only ones who maintain lists of forbidden words.  For just like those 7 dirty words that made George Carlin a household name, the Christian Church has also created and maintained an unofficial, yet equally effective list of words that are not to be spoken.  And while George Carlin’s 7 words are certainly on the list, there are also a great many others that are perfectly fine to be shared in polite company, but just not within the walls of the church or the context of faith.  Words like money, politics, and sex certainly come to mind.  But if I were to create for you a list of words that I have experienced to be unacceptable to polite Christian ears, at the very top of the list I would place the word “doubt.”

And if you have any doubt, (sorry) about the offensive nature of this word to people of faith, then you need look no further than the name and reputation of Jesus’ apostle named Thomas.  Tell me, what is Thomas’ nickname?  That’s right, we all know him as “doubting Thomas.”  For countless years that’s how he’s been known.  And the venom that is expressed in our voices when we hiss “doubting Thomas” belies the unimaginable scandal of it all.   Doubting Thomas.  We might as well calling him “Murdering Thomas” or “Thomas Who Doesn’t Wash his Hands After Going to the Restroom.” Just look at all of the grief that his name and reputation have received down through the years and you’ll begin to see why I say that “doubt” is a dirty word in the Christian church.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.  In fact, the truth is that doubt shouldn’t be a dirty word at all.  Because when we look deeper into this morning’s story from the Gospel of John, we discover that far from being dirty and objectionable, doubt is actually one of the most essential words in the building of a healthy and sound Christian faith. 

And the first evidence that we have of the necessity of doubt in the construction and maintenance of faith is the fact that even saints have doubts.  As many of you will remember it was all over the news last August when Doubleday published a new book titled,“Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light.”The book is a collection of letters written by Mother Teresa illustrating a spiritual dryness and preponderance of doubt that had marked her existence for more than half a century.

In an article about the book from the August 23, 2007 issue of Time magazine, Dan Van Biema wrote, “Although perpetually cheery in public, the Teresa of the letters lived in a state of deep and abiding spiritual pain. In more than 40 communications, many of which have never before been published, she bemoans the "dryness," "darkness," "loneliness" and "torture" she is undergoing. She compares the experience to hell and at one point says it has driven her to doubt the existence of heaven and even of God.”

One passage from the book reads, “Lord, my God, who am I that You should forsake me? The Child of your Love — and now become as the most hated one — the one — You have thrown away as unwanted — unloved. I call, I cling, I want — and there is no One to answer — no One on Whom I can cling — no, No One. — Alone ... Where is my Faith — even deep down right in there is nothing, but emptiness & darkness — My God — how painful is this unknown pain — I have no Faith — I dare not utter the words & thoughts that crowd in my heart — & make me suffer untold agony.” 

Those are the words of a Saint.  But that’s OK, because they echo the words of that Saint’s Savior who hung on a cross asking, “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me” while he himself was quoting the writer of the 22nd Psalm.These words all show us that questioning God has been part and parcel of the Christian faith from it’s very beginning.  Yet despite the comfort that we might find in the company of questioning souls like Job, Jesus and Mother Teresa, the reality remains that most of us are uncomfortable with the idea of questioning God and faith.  Somewhere in our past we came up with this cockamamie notion that if we ask God questions about his will, his plan, and even his very existence, then we are being blasphemous, rebellious and in danger of being labeled with Thomas“a doubter.”

But the truth is, Mother Teresa questioned God in Calcutta, Jesus questioned God on the cross, and Thomas questioned Jesus in Jerusalem and none of them were bad guys or girls for having done it.  It’s OK for us to ponder the difficult questions of life and faith.  It’s OK for us to deal honestly with our issues of doubt because doubt leads to questions, and questions lead to answers, and answers lead to a mature and fully developed faith. 

And that’s not to say that there is an answer to every question.  Fact and faith are not synonyms.   Truth is they might be somewhat exclusive of one another.  The bottom line is that faith is not something to be proven, it is something to be believed.  And sometimes belief defies answers and understanding.  Like Moses standing before God on top of Mt. Sinai, his mind reeling in the presence of the one who identified himself only as “I am,” the vast wonder of God doesn’t condemn our questioning and our doubt, it invites it.  Because when Moses walked down off of the mountain he had begun the most important and fulfilling relationship in his life.  In the same manner, after Thomas’ encounter in that house in Jerusalem a week after Jesus’ resurrection, he had been re-introduced to an old friend and a relationship so important that he eventually gave his very life for it.

And that’s the heart of it all.  Just as Jesus came to Thomas and offered to him his wounded wrists and side in answer to his questioning and doubt, so will Jesus present himself to us when we open our hearts and minds to him in doubt and wonder.Faith isn’t something that we can walk down to the store and buy off of a shelf.  Faith is a process.  Faith is a life long relationship with Jesus marked by difficult questions, and even harder answers.  Faith is an adventure of continual discovery that has not facts and figures, but love and trust at the end of the road. 

In the Gospel of Mark a father brought his son to Jesus to be healed, and I close with his words.  “Lord I believe, help my unbelief.”   May God bless our questions and our doubts.  May God strengthen our belief and help our unbelief.
Amen.